Joy Spotting #11: 3 important factors to consider for a happy marriage

 

I was talking to a friend yesterday and discussing the success and failure of marriages.

Even a long courtship doesn't always guarantee a successful marriage. Why? Isn't few years of knowing each other enough to know a person well?

I think our minds are not wired correctly to understand this bond. Knowing each other will not give you the stamp of approval that the marriage will work.

What works and should be considered before taking the plunge are these 3 important factors:

1. The Values

Very important to know, is to understand the person's values that s/he has imbibed over the growing years. These can include values (or beliefs) related with family, friends, career, outlook towards life, companionship, money etc. Values form the basis of one's life and its outcomes. Extremely crucial to understand it well about the other person's way of thinking and his/her outlook towards life.

 2. Inner Self

We all look at the physical well-being of a person, while choosing a life partner. His/her physical attributes in terms of beauty, looks, grooming etiquettes, hygiene and everything that we can see  from the outside. What we miss out is what's inside the other person.  The inside will let you know a lot about the other person. What makes him/her happy, sad, angry, fearful. The person's struggles, strengths, weaknesses. And in all of that you can fall in love with the actual person, taking it all in your stride. 

3. Transparency

When you are aware of the above (Values, Inner self), you need to be transparent with your own self to accept whether you are in sync with the other person. Do not hide or brush it off if there are signs of doubts in your mind. The transparency has to be with the other person too, in reaching out and sharing your doubts. If something can be worked upon, and mutually agreeable, even with a set of differences, it can still culminate into a good relationship.

With these 3 important factors in consideration, lot of issues that we see everyday between couples will certainly minimise. There will be much harmony, and love and most importantly...longevity in relationships or marriages.

And every marriage solemnised will be 'happily ever after'!

Cheers :)

 

Joy Spotting #8: Are you becoming a puppeteer?

I have seen a lot of people who want control over lot many things their lives, like relationships, love, jobs, marriage, money, children, health etc.

You will ask me – So what’s wrong in that? Shouldn’t we be in control of our lives? We just can’t be careless? Isn’t it?

Yes, you should have control over all of these and many more, but not to an extent that it worries you.

A slight deviation in your plan and it nags you.

For e.g. You have a certain beautiful vision about your relationship with your spouse or children or colleague. But the reality is showing you a different picture altogether. Doesn’t mean your relationship with that person is going all wrong…and you start thinking of how to bring this person back to the storyline that you had written in your mind…It’s not going the way you had thought of.

Life is not a puppet show where a storyline is being played in front of the world by you ‘the puppeteer’; and where you guide and direct the characters in and around your life.

And if you are becoming a puppeteer…where you are pulling strings to make the other person, relationship or situation to behave in a manner that you would like to see, it will lead you being worried, stressed and helpless too at times.

What to do in when you find yourself becoming a puppeteer of your life?

Take the first step towards acceptance: Accept what you see in real. Everything cannot be programmed as per your wish.

Second step: In that reality, find goodness in what you have. Work towards amplifying that goodness in people/situations/relationships. And while you are at it, don’t go back to the other ‘programmed’ vision you had about them and try to bring that vision in to reality.

This might take some time but will give you immense freedom, lightness and joy.

Remember…focus on what you have and the goodness in these ‘haves’ and you will most certainly will find yourself in a happy space.

 Cheers J